I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
