My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
