My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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