well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
