Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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