I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
