he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
