you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
