Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
