Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
