We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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