Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She told me I should be a condom model.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
