Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
