I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need a beard to bite.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
