She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
