you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
