i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
