Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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