They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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