She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
