I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just invented taco cereal.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
