McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
