I smell stomach acid.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It was confusing and full of hummus
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
