i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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