i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just tell him i said nine months
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
