i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
