i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
