please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
