Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
