So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
