Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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