You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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