My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
