eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
