I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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