babies were throwing up all over the place
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
