Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
