i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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