I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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