is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
