am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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