Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
