I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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