I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
