i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
