If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
