I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
