the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
