I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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