what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
