Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
