its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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