i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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